LOVE IS THERAPEUTIC Knowing that someone genuinely loves, cares, & connects with who you on a personal level is the most beautiful thing.
As human beings, we were created with an intense desire to be loved & nurtured. We crave love whether if it’s from our spouse, parent, family member, &/or friend. According to a psychologist & psychoanalyst, John Bowlby, our need for being loved is considered one of the most basic & fundamental needs as human beings. The theory suggests that children come into the world biologically preprogrammed to form attachments with others. Since love is a fundamental piece for our development, I decided to write this article on the five love languages. It’s important that we understand that we are all different in various aspects. Our skills, abilities, personalities, passions, perceptions, attitudes, emotions, & stories are so different due to our background and individuality. Since we are all different, we also feel loved differently. To get started, let's define love. The meaning of love is, “An intense feeling of deep affection”. The perfect example of love we have is the love Jesus gave us. His ACTS OF SERVICE, Jesus gave us the greatest GIFT- eternal life. Jesus gave His life in the cross to provide us with hope, a future, and an afterlife. Gary Chapman wrote an incredible book that gives an understanding of the power of the simple acts of love. Gary Chapman has discovered that individuals have a primary and a secondary love language. The simple act of love is like the various forms of communication. Many of us believe that the only form of communication is the spoken words we use but in reality, we also have the ability to communicate with others through sign language, body language, facial expressions, written words, etc. Just as there are various forms of communicating our thoughts and ideas, there are also various ways to communicate our love to others. We can communicate our love to others in five different ways: words of affirmation, quality time, giving gifts, acts of service, & physical touch. So, let me explain each love language- it’s simple. 1. Words of affirmation are those who feel loved through the words spoken over them whether if they are encouraging words, compliments, or affirming words of appreciation.
2. Quality time: is when individuals feel loved when you spend time with them either if it’s taking small trips, going for a walk, or just by simply having a conversation.
3. Receiving gifts: is when an individual feels loved through receiving gifts; these gifts do not have to be expensive or extravagant they just need to simply be a small gift such as a rose, a birthday card, or even a new notepad.
4. Acts of service: is when you help the individual you love through your service & a perfect example is taking the trash out, washing the dishes, or preparing them a delicious soup when they’re sick.
5. Physical touch: these groups of people love to be padded on the back, given a hug, or even a handshake to show appreciation.
Isn’t that simple? It is easy to show others you care through these acts and they’re inexpensive too. Have you heard of the Bible story of Mary and Martha on Luke 10:38? Well, if you haven’t let me tell you about it. Martha & Mary were sisters and one day Martha welcomed Jesus into their home. The story tells us that Jesus arrived in their home and while Jesus was present, Martha was distracted with her house duties while Mary sat next to Jesus & heard everything He had to say. Now, this story is often pointed out due to Martha’s preoccupied behavior and Mary’s attentiveness to Jesus. Often, Martha’s behavior is criticized because they say, “She was distracted by the unnecessary”. But as I read this story, their love language is loud & clear to me. Perhaps Martha’s love language was acts of service while Mary’s love language was quality time. Perhaps Martha should have sat next to Jesus to hear everything He had to say too but all Martha wanted was to serve Jesus by having a clean house and a warm meal for Him. I understand her; I would also be concerned with having a clean house & a warm meal for a precious visitor. So, what’s your love language? Do you know you’re spouses, children, friends, partner? We tend to show our love in our own language & that’s not particularly their love language. Now, if you know me, you know I love anything that has to do with self-discovery. I challenge you to take an assessment and get to know yourself and also your family members & friends! I promise it’ll be fun!! The assessment comes in various formats whether if you are married, single, have teenagers, or for your young children. Click on this link & take the appropriate assessment. I know you’ll love it!
Please note: In case you can't pull up the the five love languages test directly through the site above, please click on the link below for the PDF copy.